I Suppose it's that Time
Well, I think I'm ready to write this blog. First of all, thank all of you SO much for your prayers, thoughts, visits, gifts, flowers and support. I am astonished by you all. God is so so good. For those of you who don't know, here's what has been going on: I had surgery for a supposed tumor on my ovary. When I woke up from surgery I found out that they took out both of my ovaries. It was pretty heartbreaking to say the least. But of course I'll say more.... I was in the hospital for about 4 days, and in those 4 days a lot happened. The first night after surgery I threw up a lot. It wasn't fun because it hurt my abdomen to throw up. After that whole mess was over I had blurry vision the next day. After they took my blood pressure and stole some of my blood they told me that I was going to get a blood transfusion. It freaked me out. It was so weird to lay there with someone else's blood going into my body. Kind of creepy. I felt a lot better after though. They let me go home on Saturday (I lied a little about how I was feeling because I didn't want to stay in the hospital for another night). And since then I've just been getting better day by day.
Now for the emotional stuff. I think the craziest part is people's reactions to this whole thing. People that I don't even know, they feel so bad that I can't have kids. Well, technically I can with someone else's egg but I'm definitely not going to do that. I feel very strongly about adopting and am so excited to meet the children God will entrust to me and bless me with. I've gone through that whole "who is going to want to marry a 'barren woman'" phase and I'm over that. God knows the plans He has for me. There have been a lot of tears, a lot of questions, some hot flashes, some sleepless nights, anger, hurt, and a lot of other stuff. There's still a little bit of shock left which I'm sure will take time to get over.
What have I learned so far? Well, a lot. I definitely have a sense of purpose like never before. I feel "called" to adopt. I've never really felt more stongly about anything (besides the Lord) before. I've learned not to have a back up plan. This is going to sound really bad but I always have one just in case God doesn't "come through." I don't need a back up plan with the Lord. I just need to trust Him and reflect on His faithfulness to me and others in the past. I've learned that the body of Christ is just amazing. People I didn't even know were lifting me up in prayer. I felt the love. :o)
Although this has been a pretty tough journey, I am so comforted and assured that it really is going to be ok. I'm sure I could write a lot more, if you want to know more just ask.
Again, I am SO grateful for you guys and gals. I pray that God will bless you as you have blessed me. I love you people.