Biting my nails
That's what I'm doing right now, biting my nails. Lame, I know. Some exciting news.... Crystal, Jamie and I got a place in Sacramento! Yippie! I'm not as worried about it now, I know it will all work out. This week I kind of just had it out with myself I guess. I came home on Sunday night, sick, tired, and cranky. I did the girl thing and cried. But it was good. I haven't let myself do that for a while. Mother Hen came in my room and rubbed my back. I spilled my heart out to her. It was nice. Then we went grocery shopping and that made it all better. Mother Hen time is always good. So, yesterday I really didn't feel good and

Life on the farm...
This weekend was quite an experience. I woke up at 4am on Saturday morning and hopped in the X with my cousin. We headed off on yet another glorious journey to Sacramento. My cousin's best friend's parents own a ranch. It's called "Coffee Pot Ranch", they have 20 acres with such animals as hogs, cows, sheep, and 5 australian shepards! Every year, the parents throw a customer appreciation party for their friends, family and all of the loyal customers that buy their livestock. My cousin goes every year, so she asked if I wanted to come. I had the weekend off, miraculously, so I went. And just as the rain refreshed the land, I was refreshed also. The party wasn't that great. There was a good band and all, and some very ummy homemade chili, but it wasn't my thing. I'm realizing more and more that this 21 thing isn't all that spectacular.
I went to bed when everything started to die down, I slept on the floor in the living room. When I started to wake up the next morning, I heard rain drops. And I also heard the parents talking. They were sitting at the table, drinking coffee, and talking about everything that went well the night before. It was a perfect morning. I was in such a good mood when I got up! The dad was about to go out and feed the hogs, when I asked if I could help. He had no objection at all, so I got some rubber farm boots on and headed out the the barn with him. Ok, you know the movie Babe, or Charolette's Web? Yeah, pigs aren't cute. At all. Baby ones are, but that's it. So I fed those fatties, with all I had in me and then later on, I got to hook the straw blocks and take them into the barn. It was so great. When my cousin and I were saying goodbye, they told me that when I lived in Sac, I could come over anytime I wanted to. It was cool. I had a way better feeling about Sacramento this weekend. I kind of feel like I belong there now. It was a huge relief.
Now I'm back in Santa Maria. I know I need to cherish every last moment I have here, but I just want January to come. And I feel horrible for feeling that way, but it's how I feel. I know it will hit me soon, the fact that when I move I'll know 3 people, and get very homesick, and lonely. So I'll look forward to that moment- when I realize that it really is soon, and I really haven't done anything different. I love you guys.

I'm wearing a sweatshirt that says "Sac State" on it right now. Part of me wants to take it off and throw it away, but the bigger part of me wants to keep it on. Why the sweatshirt business you ask? Well here's why: I went to sacramento this weekend with Jamie and Crystal. We were looking forward to a totally awesome trip. But what we found, or what I found was heart wrenching. It was like all of the things I feared would happen, did. The first thing was COSTCO. I probably won't have a job there when I move because that's when they do all of their lay offs. Plus they're union in sacramento so that's totally ghetto. Second thing, I'm still labled as a dependent for financial aid even though I don't live with my parent's and they don't claim me on their taxes. And finally- the cost of living isn't as cheap as the three of us had imagined. We were in sacramento for 3 days and we finally found a place on the last day, during the last hour of our trip. It's a super nice townhouse with 3 bedrooms and 2 1/2 bathrooms. The rent is $1,350 a month. That works out to around $450 each. Granted, that's not that bad for rent and it's right by CSUS and the American River, and it has a washer and dryer... but I'm just so scared! I won't even have a secure job, I'll probably have to take out a student loan, how is this going to work?
I know, I know, I'm freaking out a little. I just need to pray about this, and be realistic. And I need all of you guys to pray for me too. PLEASE!!!! Just that I'll be wise, and that I will trust in the Lord- because that's my hardest thing right now. And if you have any words or wisdom for me, I would greatly appreciate them. So that's my life right now- just looking forward to the future, I think I'll keep the sweatshirt on....