What? Etc.
I don't even know if I should be writing this blog right now. I'm a little (ok, a lot) confused right now and scared too. Umm, where do I begin? I went to the doctor (the obgyn) on Tuesday because of some random stuff that was going on with my body. And what a fun time that was! This is why I'm writing this blog- I had an ultrasound, an internal one, and one of my ovaries is really big. So big that I'm calling it my second uterus. During the ultrasound I was calm because I didn't know what it all meant. After the ordeal the dr. told me that it was kind of a big deal. First there was the word ct scan, then the words possibly a tumor, then the word surgery. And that's what's going on. And now all I can think about are the "what if's." What if I wake up from surgery with a hysterectomy? There are a lot of other what if's I've been thinking about too. I just don't really want to actually say them. And then there's the timing off all of this. I don't know if you guys know that I have class 4 nights a week and it's my last semester. My very last semester. I have to stay on top of this research project and this whole thing doesn't really fit into that. It's God's timing though... that's hard for me to grasp.
People have been telling me not to freak out, this happens to people all of the time, I shouldn't worry. I don't know how to respond to that. I'm scared and confused, and upset. And right now, it physically hurts. It hasn't been lately, but now it does. I NEED your prayers. I am not ashamed to ask for them. Please please pray for peace. My heart is so heavy and I really don't know how to let it go. I want to accept whatever God is doing with joy, and right now that's not the case. I don't even know who sings this song, but I heard it today on KLove (I know it's cheesy). I feel like I've been holding my breath for the past 2 days and this made me let it out- "The voice of truth tells me a different story. The voice of truth says, 'Do not be afraid.' The voice of truth says, 'This is for My glory.' Out of all the voices calling out my name, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth." There was a lot of comfort in that, but I still have a lot to go.
So, I pretty much wrote this blog to let you guys know what's going on so that I don't have to keep telling people. I also need as much prayer as possible and I just needed to get out some of my hidden feelings about the whole situation. Anywho, thanks for the prayers and the kind words and thoughts. I love you guys.