The Last
Ok, here's what's going on. I wrote this letter tonight to let go of this "thing" that has just been tormenting me for too long. I'm not suicidal, I'm not depressed, I am fine. I pray that this really is it.

To the man who has broken me more than anyone else,

If my heart were a book, your name would appear on many of the pages. How I wish those pages were written in pencil so I could erase them. It wasn't right for you to use me in an effort to hide your feelings for men. For that, I feel betrayed in so many ways. From the night that I stayed awake in my bed too excited to sleep because of you, I thought we would most likely end up together. Even when we weren't acting on our friendship, I still held hope in my heart for us. The night you called me to apologize for not giving me the time and attention I was worth when we were dating, what was that? Was that really what you were apologizing for? Why didn't you just apologize for dating me? To say that I was always just a good friend, is that true? Tell me what is really true! HPI. Here are some truths: you have broken my heart more times than you know- tonight is the last time, I didn't reject you- you rejected me, the letters that I gave you were the most personal and treasured thing I have ever given anyone, so treasured and personal that I was waiting for our wedding day to give them to you- I wish I had never written them, I put an effort into our friendship- you threw it away, you lied to me. I suppose I could have looked a little deeper into the situation. I could have taken a hint when you made no effort to see or talk to the girl you said you "really liked too." I could have kept you in my mind as the mold for my future husband and left it at that, but I didn't. This letter is the result of that, among other things. I don't know how you can erase me so easily, without even talking to me, without even apologizing, and I remain tortured. I don't want to think about this anymore. I don't want to cry over this anymore. I don't want to wonder if I did something wrong anymore. I just want it to be gone, so now it is. I've realized that I have nothing to be sorry for in this disaster, so I'm not. I have nothing left to say, nothing left to ask.

May my heart never be troubled or swayed by this again,
Jennifer